The generation that came out on Tumblr

Editor’s note: This is Part 2 of a 4-part series on digital identities, exploring how algorithms are quietly shaping who we are, what we see, and how we present ourselves. Read last week’s essay.

When I talk to my peers, I’m often struck by how our niche interests and sense of self were shaped in adolescence – not through structured extracurriculars or dedicated sports teams, but by the chatrooms, blogs, and forums we quietly lurked in as teens. 🫥

One particular example sticks out to me. 

I recently interviewed my classmate, Constantine, who knew she was transgender from a young age, but didn’t know how to express it until she discovered “androgynous goth ninja vampire Tumblr blogs”. 🧛

To her, online spaces were more than just a way to hide from her peers and the shame she felt growing up in Greece, it was a place that “gave [her] language to understand the materiality of it all”.  

It wasn’t until she left her hometown that she felt safe enough to bring her online self into the real world.

A quick reminder of how distressing middle school was

Constantine’s story reminded me of just how distressing it can be to grow up feeling different, especially in middle school. 

To this day, I can think of no scarier group of people than 13-year-olds. Probably, because I remember being one. 

I went to a public school where kids grew weed in their lockers and traded nudes like Bitcoin. One of our recess supervisors even broke her leg from being pushed down an icy hill after banning us from sledding down it. 🫣

At that age, all you want is to fit in, because those who don’t are often outcast or even attacked. This is a particularly common narrative for LGBTQ+ youth who report significantly worse mental health symptoms than their peers. 💔

In the biggest national survey of almost 30,000 queer youth in the US, 70% of people aged 13 to 17 had anxiety and nearly 1 in 2 considered suicide in the past year (more than double the rate of all young people). 

A key reason is that many of them are being bullied in school. More than half of respondents said they were verbally harassed at school because people thought they were LGBTQ+ and roughly 1 in 10 had been physically attacked because of it. 

A (genuinely) safe space

The above helps set the scene for our next set of facts. 

LGBTQ+ teens spend nearly 4 hours more time on their phones every day compared to their peers and use significantly more apps and social media platforms. They are also more likely to hold multiple accounts within a given platform.   

At this point, the narrative becomes a bit clearer. When the offline world feels unsafe or unwelcoming, the internet becomes a lifeline – a place to be seen, ask questions, and connect without fear. 🫂

Research confirms this. LGBTQ+ youth are more likely to find affirming spaces online (68%) than in their schools (54%) and homes (38%). And those who had access to affirming spaces reported significantly lower rates of attempting suicide. 

Spend 5 minutes online and you’ll start to understand why. TikTok is flooded with coming out videos, queer FAQs, and how-to guides.

Anonymity plays a critical role here. Without the pressure of being watched by family, classmates, or teachers, queer teens can try on different names, pronouns, and aesthetics. 

To quote Constantine, “It’s the first time you see queerness documented authentically. Online communities let you experiment safely and practice being out until you’re ready to integrate it in [your offline] community”. 

In fact, research shows a significant change in how LGBTQ+ people come to terms with their sexuality today versus in previous generations:

Queer youth today: Notice attraction in early adolescence 👉 explore sexual identity (often online) 👉 engage in sexual experiences.

Older queer people: Engage in sexual experiences 👉 reckon with what that means for their sexual identity 👉 come out (or stay closeted).

In short, online spaces can be a refuge – especially for those figuring out who they are. Also, we should bring back gay Tumblr. 🌈

What’s next?

Naturally, this isn’t the full story. Next, we’ll explore what happens when online spaces accidentally become radicalized-forums-that-tell-you-to-blame-immigrants-women-white-men–anyone-really-for-everything. 🙃

So what?

💡 For strategists & researchers

• TLDR… Young people are increasingly coming to understand who they are through the online worlds they inhabit.

• Ask yourself… Online spaces can be lifelines for self-discovery, but what happens when that same space becomes a source of shame or manipulation?

• Check this out… The Trevor Project survey on queer mental health.

💭 For self-reflective readers

• TLDR… If you felt seen online before you did offline, you’re not alone.

• Ask yourself… What parts of your identity were first formed in digital spaces? 

• Check this out…A completely unhinged scene of Cal Jacobs from Euphoria having a breakdown for being closeted his whole life.

– Liat