Everyone's done with dating apps

If you met your partner 'in the wild' or before dating apps existed, you may have developed a fascination with your single friends’ online dating profiles, scrolling through their matches like it’s a fantasy football draft.

If you met your partner through a dating app, you probably hold them a bit tighter at night knowing you’re free from the algorithmic shackles of an app designed to be deleted™️. 

… And if you’re currently on dating apps, you’re likely one ghosting experience or aggressive confrontation away from seeking an arranged marriage. 

Welcome to the world of meet-hot-singles-in-your-area-or-your-future-husband-really-whatever-you’re-into-but-either-way-it’s-$29.99-a-month dating platforms. 💋

Most people hate it. 

Why are dating apps so popular with young people?

Among 18 to 29-year-olds, over 50% of people have used a dating site or app before and 1 in 5 couples has met through one. These figures are significantly higher than any other age bracket.

According to Pew Research Center, the most popular apps for young people are Tinder (79%), Bumble (51%), and Hinge (39%). Grindr – a gay dating app primarily for casual hook-ups – also has a notable user base with LGBTQ+ communities (34%), who are disproportionately active on dating apps in general. 💏

Perhaps this doesn’t surprise you. Young people do everything on their phones, so naturally, they would date through them too.

But consider the other, more “organic” ways people meet – through school, work, at a bar, or via friends. In theory, young people have by far the best opportunities to meet in person, given they are regularly exposed to new people, most of whom are single. So why are they consciously choosing to meet online?

💡 Here are some theories:

• Men are more reluctant to approach women publicly in the post-Me Too era

• Young people are going out less in general and apps are more convenient 

• They are more likely to be on their phones in social settings, making them less likely to socialize in person

Dating apps are changing people’s relationship with commitment

The most common critique of dating apps is that people are reluctant to commit… to exclusivity, a second date, or even to respond to a message. The illusion of endless options makes users simultaneously pickier and more passive. 

Our Gen Z audience (18+ only) agreed. Only 7% believe dating apps make finding a relationship easier, while almost half have mixed views. Many cited “too many fish in the sea” or the “fallacy of choice” as key barriers to settling down. 😵‍💫

Interestingly, when asked the same question about casual hook-ups, an overwhelming majority (80%) agreed that dating apps make it easier.

Broader research supports this. In her book, Swedish sociologist Marie Bergström explores how human behavior has changed because of the internet and online dating. The big takeaway? People who meet through dating apps tend to have sex sooner and end relationships more quickly. 

This is a huge shift in dating culture. In the 1950s, the first sexual interaction often happened at the time of marriage. From the 1970s on, people would become intimate long before marriage, but still to solidify exclusivity. Today, for people who meet online, “sex is a way of validating that there is a mutual interest, rather than the unique event signifying that they form a couple.”

In short, dating app norms stipulate that jumping into bed together doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going anywhere serious, though it could. This has two major implications:

First, physical intimacy ≠ exclusivity.

Second, entering a relationship is no longer marked by actions or events (e.g. first kiss, going on a trip together, meeting their friends), but rather by words. Only when both partners decide to be a couple do they become one. That said, Bergström’s research also found that once couples do form, they tend to marry faster.

Whether this sounds like good news or bad news, one fact remains this Valentine’s Day: everyone’s sick of dating apps. 🤮

So what?

💡 For marketers & builders

• TLDR… Algorithms are taking the romance out of romance.

• Ask yourself… How can you facilitate more “authentic” interactions, knowing that young people are more anxious and uncomfortable meeting in person?

• Check this out… The Times’ article on how Zillennials are looking elsewhere for love.

🫂 For parents & advocates

• TLDR… Courtship is happening online, and often with strangers.

• Ask yourself… How are these platforms influencing your kids’ views on relationships, commitment, and self-worth?

• Check this out… The Wall Street Journal breaks down how dating apps make money.

🤳 For Gen Z

• TLDR… Everyone’s tired of dating apps, but no one’s figured out a better way yet.

• Ask yourself… When was the last time dating felt fun?

• Check this out… Podcast on the psychology of dating apps.

– Your Internet Translator