The illusion of infinite choice

Highlight of the week: The Financial Times asked me to share a survey with my younger audience. If you are a US or UK-based student, help shape the future of news (and possibly win some Airpod Pros 2). 👀

This is Part 3 of a 4-part series on digital wellness, exploring why young people are more mentally ill and how technology plays a role. You can read last week’s essay here.

A year ago, a distant friend from university (Jess) called me up, asking for advice. 

Jess told me that after graduating, she had moved back to Calgary (the city she grew up in) and was making a killing in a corporate finance job she loved. Her burgeoning career in an affordable city meant buying a house and putting down roots was well within reach. Jess had also met the love of her life – a loyal and compatible partner with whom she could really see a future. 🏠

💬 Jess: So yeah, I guess my question is… Should I move to London?

💬 Me: … What? 

Jess wondered whether she was settling down too fast. Many of her friends had moved abroad, and her career allowed her to do the same.

For Jess, this was more than just FOMO. It was a deep sense of indecisiveness about what would make her happiest in the long run. 

Even though she was fulfilled by her current trajectory, it wasn’t enough. She was considering leaving her job (and partner) in search of more certainty.

@lukealexanderlife

Move out of your home town - Here is why #success #entrepreneur #wealth

Young people are voluntarily uprooting their lives

Indecisiveness is innately human. But young people today are making big life changes at unprecedented rates. 

👉 Jobs: Nearly 1 in 3 Gen Z switched jobs last year. The demographic is expected to change careers up to 10 times between the ages of 18 and 34.

👉 Relationships: In a deep dive on dating culture, I outlined how young people – who disproportionately meet on dating apps – have shorter relationships that become sexual faster. They’ve normalized situationships. 

👉 Migration: Despite the skyrocketing cost of living and more remote work options, Gen Z is still drawn to big, expensive cities and are more likely to rent for life. They are big believers in travel and less likely to call a single place home. 

Yet, despite making the jump – often for objectively better options – Gen Z reports lower life satisfaction across many dimensions.

They’re making more money, but they’re less happy with their jobs. They’re exposed to more romantic prospects, but they’re having way less sex. They’re seeing the world, but they’re lonelier than ever. 😔

Why good isn’t good enough

There are three compounding factors at play.

👉 First, expectations are high to begin with.

This is a likely consequence of growing up with helicopter parents, social media, and the rise of hustle culture. Gen Z was indirectly taught to find their passions, live their best lives, and never settle. For example:

• They want their jobs to pay well while also providing them with a sense of purpose.

• They’re quick to reject romantic partners because they get “the ick” (skinny jeans was the most common answer on our recent poll).

• They expect consumer brands to align with their personal and political values.

👉 Second, platforms exacerbate choice paralysis.

The paradox of choice was a concept first introduced by psychologist Barry Schwartz in 2004 and argues that the more options you have, the less satisfied you feel with your decision. Having too many choices requires more cognitive effort, leading to decision fatigue and more regret over your final selection. 🤯

Platforms are incentivized to keep you indecisive and searching for something better. For example:

• Career milestones on LinkedIn make ordinary jobs feel insufficient.

• People spend 10+ minutes browsing on Netflix and often end up watching nothing.

• The prospect of a new match on Hinge makes you underwhelmed by your existing matches.

👉 Third, we’re in a winner-takes-all market. 

Platforms create the illusion of abundance, making you think you have unlimited options. But in reality, only a small percentage of people capture most of the rewards, leaving the majority with little to nothing. 📉

For example:

• The most attractive men on Tinder get most female users’ likes.

• The top 1% of YouTube channels get 90% of all views, while most channels get fewer than 1,000 views per video.

• The top 0.8% of artists on Spotify earn 90% of streaming revenue, while most musicians make under $100 per year.

In short, young people are holding out for the next best thing, even if it was never within reach to begin with.

So if you’re considering leaving your job, turning down a perfectly nice date, or moving to a new city, ask yourself: Is this a needed change or just the fear of missing out? Because commitment is a muscle, and payoffs take time.

Btw, Jess moved to London, and I have no idea if she’s still with her partner. She’s ghosted my last message. 😭

💭 What was the best time in history that you were alive for? Answer next week’s poll.

And don’t be a stranger – let’s chat!

So what?

💡 For marketers & builders

• TLDR… Too many options lead to dissatisfaction and indecision.

• Ask yourself… How can you help Gen Z feel more confident in their decisions?

• Check this out… Read more about decision fatigue.

🫂 For parents & advocates

• TLDR… Your kids are making big life changes but sometimes struggle to see them through.

• Ask yourself… How can you guide them toward balance instead of perfection?

• Check this out… Barry Schwartz’s Ted Talk.

🤳 For Gen Z

• TLDR… Committing to something is better than not committing at all.

• Ask yourself… Are you searching for something better or avoiding what’s already good?

• Check this out… HBR on practical steps to stop overthinking.

– Your Internet Translator